Final Fantasy 7: B L O O P E R S
by Kittindear
Summary: This story is definitely inspired by BlueFox. Its basically The cast watching bloopers of the game... XD Rating changed to M. I couldn't have cleaner language XD... for now... o.O but I do warn you, I like to use bad words. You have been warned.
1. Prologue

Ok, disclaimer x2.

1) Final Fantasy is NOT mine.

2) This idea isn't mine either. I found a _wonderful_ blooper tale by the FanFic author BlueFoxofWater1569 and I got inspired to write something similar. So I give respect to my muse, Miss BlueFox. I do hope you enjoy. =D

Oh, another thing. I'm writing another story called "Such A Paradox, Isn't It". This story _might_ get forgotten because of it, but I will try to write as much as possible, I swear!!!!

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What a day it had been, they'd gotten back from the final day of filming and now the movie was due to be released. They were all in the kitchen, relaxing. Cloud stood next to Tifa, holding her hand and looking longingly at Zack and Aerith canoodling. Cid was standing by the window smoking his second pack of the day. Vincent sat at the table trying to avoid Yuffie's loving, but mostly creepy gaze from across the table. Barret sat there too staring longing at Yuffie.

"So the director gave me this DVD before I left today, he said we should watch it.... He seemed rather pained as he said it."

"Oh really?"

"LIKE A BOSS" Barret said.

"…what the fuck?" Cloud said.

"Its this song I heard on YouTube, here, I'll bring it up on the computer" Barret walked over to the computer and instead of turning it on, he shot it with Catastrophe. "Ah, shit."

"So we're gonna go watch this DVD now. You fix the computer now, ok?" Cloud said pushing everyone into the other room. Barret just sat there and sorted through the pieces of metal and plastic.

Everyone sat down in the living room on the floor as Cloud inserted the DVD into the player. Not knowing what to expect next, everyone braced themselves and pressed play but first there was a knock on the door. Zack answered it. It was Sephiroth and Genesis.

"Tetsuya told us to come over here to watch this DVD with you all?" Sephiroth said menacingly.

"Seriously Seph, the menacing scary voice was only for the production" Genesis said, closing the door behind him.

Sephiroth dropped the menacing tone. "But I _like_ sounding scary". He frowned.

"Face it Sephy-poo," Cloud said, "You aren't scary. You're pretty sexy though."

Silence.

"OK! Anyway, starting the video now!!" he said hurriedly.

He pressed play.

A very pretty redhead appeared on the screen. "Hello cast. My name is Para. I took the liberty of putting this little this video together and trust me, there is more than just this one DVD. They will be delivered later. Until then in the words of the Joker… 'Here… we… go!'"

The screen went black.


	2. Random Battle Bloopers!

Random Battle Bloopers yo'

~-~In the house~-~

The hot redhead chick appeared on the screen, as there was a knock on the door. Cloud got up and answered it yet again. It was Reno and Rude.

"Hey yo'. Make room yo'." Reno said plopping down on the couch.

"What the hell are you losers doing here?" Sephiroth asked.

"Whoa. No menacing voice yo'? Thats a nice change yo'."

"Reno, will you shut the fuck up?" Sephiroth said, using his deadliest voice.

Reno growled.

"OH LOOK!!! Blooper time!"

Cloud pressed play.

"Hello, this is the random battle blooper section." Para said.

"Hey yo'! She's hot yo'!" Reno said.

"SHUT UP!!!" Sephiroth yelled.

"What about Cynley?" Aeris said.

"What about her? I can look yo'."

Sephiroth fumed.

"These are for you." Para said.

"Wait, what?" Genesis said.

"Rewind." said Aeris

"We'd be able to hear if Reno'd shut his fat mouth." Sephiroth said.

"Shut up yo'."

-~-Blooper-~-

Cloud, Tifa and Aeris stood in a line, waiting for the Zeefan...uh something to make his move. Cloud looked past Tifa to Aeris, longingly. Tifa looked at him.

Tifa: Oh Cloud, we have to fight, don't look at me right now.

Cloud: Uhm... I wasn't.

Aeris: He was looking at me. He loves me.

Cloud: She's got a point.

Tifa: YOU DAMN EMO KID! SHE DIES!

Cloud: She's still way better than you.

Tifa: *punches Cloud* Wanna say that again?

Cloud: Ya dumb bimbo, that effin' hurt!

Aeris: *hits Tifa in the head with her rod, knocking her out*

Tetsuya: Uhm, cut? What the hell was that?

~-~In the house~-~

Zack stared at Cloud. "Uhm, dude. Were you staring at my girl?"

"NO! ...ok yes."

"Dude, what the fuck man?"

"I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE STORY!!!"

"Sure you were yo'. Shut the fuck up yo' and start the next blooper" Reno said, throwing a bowl at their heads.

-~-Blooper-~-

Tifa, Barret and Cid were wandering about, trying to find Cloud when they were attacked by a Marbolo for the first time

Cid: What the hell is this thing???

Barret: Its whats going to happen to you if you don't stop smoking.

Tifa: Really Cid. Now that little Ms. Holy Butt's gone, I don't have to compete for Cloud's attention, and can deal with more pressing matters, like you're smoking problem... and your tea obsession"

Cid: Dude, I ain't got fucking no tea obsession! And I'm better with the smoking, honest! I only smoke like 4 packs a day.

Barret: (turns away from the marbolo) Damn man. Are you a fucking furnace??

Cid: Dude, I should fucking hit you for that.

Tifa: Thats another thing Cid. The swearing. You need to find a better outlet for your anger.

Cid: Anger? What the fuck? I ain't got no fucking anger problems!!!

(Cid hits Tifa with his spear)

Tetsuya: ...what the hell is your all's problem? Why can't you just get along?? CUT!

~-~The House~-~

Aeris glared at Tifa "Ms. Holy Butt?"

"Hehehehe. It was... a joke?" Tifa replied hesitently.

"Yea, sure right" Aeris said scowling.

"And why the hell did you hit me with your spear???"

"Yea Cid! She takes enough blows to the head yo'!!"

Everyone snorted. There was a loud "OW!" as Reno got hit with Bolt3.

"Children, children" Sephiroth said, as Reno prepared to to cast Ice3 back at Tifa.

Cloud casted MBarrier between Reno and Tifa, and looked at him.

"If you hurt my girl, I'll have to kill you." Cloud said.

Tifa felt a rush of joy, happy that Cloud was standing up for her. She grinned and looked at the TV.

"Guys!!! We're missing more bloopers!!"

-~-Bloopers-~-

The party (Cloud, Aerith and Red XIII) was fighting a hippogriff.

Cloud: OMG! THIS IS THE THING FROM HARRY POTTER!!

Aerith: *jumps up and down* OhMyGEE!!! IT IS!!! Well if the hippogriffs here... *GASP* RED XIII!!! ARE YOU FROM HARRY POTTER TOO!?!?!?!?

Red XIII: Uhm, no? What the hell?

Aeris: Well, its just... you TALK... and they had talking animals in Harry-- AGHHH!!!!

(Aeris is knocked out by the Hippogriff)

Tetsuya: YOU DITZ!! PAY ATTENTION!!! AGH! CUT!!!!

~-~In the house~-~

Zack looked at Aerith. "You asked Red if he was from _Harry Potter_???? What the hell babe??"

"I'M SORRY!!!! I WAS STONED OFF OF CLOUD'S HAIR SPRAY!!!" She yelled.

"Yo', what do you use in your hair yo'?" Reno said, oogling at him.

"Uhm, Glue, cement, electricity..."

"Really yo'??"

"Well, not the glue."

Tifa decided to shift the attention back to the TV, "Bloopers are on!"

-~-Bloopers-~-

Down in the Underwater Reactor, Cid, Cloud and Vincent were fighting a Ghost Ship, to turn it into the Guidebook, for the Kalm Traveler. Tetsuya was giving directions to the guys about using the Morph Materia.

Tetsuya: When the Ghost Ship makes this move *demonstrates hand move* Vincent, you're to activate the Morph Materia, alright?

Vincent: Yessir.

Tetsuya: Lets roll.

_Take 1_

*Battle Begins* *Battle Theme Plays*

Cloud: Damn, how many HPs does this thing HAVE?

Cid: *Scan* 6600HP, 100MP

Cloud: *attack*

Ghost Ship: Hahahahahaha. Is that that best you've got?

Cloud: *limit break*

Ghost Ship: Owuch! *Dies*

Vincent: DAMMIT CLOUD! I NEEDED TO MORPH THAT STUPID THING!!!!

_Take 2_

*Battle Begins* *Battle Theme Plays*

Cloud: Cid, scan?

Cid: *Scan* 6600HP, 100MP

Cloud: *attack*

Ghost Ship: I wrote a song for you Cloud. It goes '_Who's a bitch? Cloud's a bitch? Who's a sissy pansy? Cloud's a sissy pansy. Who sleeps with a Aeris doll at night? Cloud sleeps with an Aeris doll_'

Cloud: ...I LOST MY DOLLY!!!!!!!!!! *performs Omnislash*

Vincent: GODDAMMIT CLOUD!!!!!!!!

Cid: *shanks Cloud with spear*

Cloud: *dies*

Vincent: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Tetsuya: ...oh sweet jesus

Cloud: *uses Phoenix down*

Vincent: *shoots Cloud*

Cid: Niiiice

Tetsuya: *headshake* why me?

~-~In the house~-~

Zack looked over at Cloud. "A dolly?? Of Aeris?? Dude, what the hell??"

Cloud thought fast, to try to cover his own ass.

"Uh, well. I thought that if I had the dolly.... I'd be more into character... and I would be more convincing...and... stuff... yea...."

"That's it" Zack got up and started looming towards Cloud.

"I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!!! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEE!!!"

Zack stood up and stabbed him with the Buster Sword.

"OWWWWIIEEEE!!!!!" Cloud cried. Sephiroth stood up and punched Zack in the face and put Cloud in his lap.

"Its okay Cloudy-kins. Sephy-poo is here to take care of you now." Sephiroth cooed. Everyone else just stared.

"What... the... fuck yo'?" Reno said.

Sephiroth picked up the masamune and stabbed him.

"OWWW YO'!!! THAT FUCKING HURT YO'!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT YO'?!!?!??!?!!?" Sephiroth casted silence on him.

"Good call, there's one more blooper."

-~-Bloopers-~-

Cloud and Aeris stood in front of a Hell House, getting ready to fight. Cloud looked up and raised his sword, only to drop it and his jaw.

Cloud: Dude that's a fuckin' house. What am I going to do to a _house_??? Break its windows????

Aeris: -in a GIR voice- I don't know!

Cloud: Aeris, did you watch Invader ZIM before we left the trailer today?

Aeris: *claps* Yay!!!!!

Tetsuya: PLEASE KILL THE HOUSE!

Aeris: How do we do that? Tear the drapes??

Cloud: Hmm, there seem to be some rocks over here. Maybe we should throw them?

Aeris: Good idea!

Cloud and Aeris ran off to find rocks.

Tetsuya: Why? Why me? Why did I get put in charge of a bunch of morons.

*~*Alternate Take*~*

Cloud, Tifa and Barret stood in front of the Hell House.

Barret: Dude, OhMyGod. Look at that shit. Its a fuckin' house.

Cloud: I know, Aeris and I ran into one earlier. We threw rocks- I mean killed it.

Tifa: I think my hands would break if I punched that.

Barrett: *shoots the house*

Hell House: *uses Suicide Bomber*

Barret: WHAT THE FUCK MAN?? I AM NEVER USING MY GUN AGAIN!!! IT MUTATED THE HOUSE!!!!!

Cloud: No Barret, it does that. I don't know why, but for some reason it does.

Tifa: That's some trippy shit dude.

~-~In the house~-~

"Those Hell House are some freaky ass things." Tifa said.

"They really are. The shift into super houses... its insanity." Aeris said from Zacks lap. Cloud was staring at them from Sephiroth's lap all angry.

"Mmm m mm mmm m mm m yo'." Reno mumbled, the Silence curse still active.

"Reno... how did you do that??" Sephiroth said dangerously.

"M mm mmm m mm m m m mm m mmmm mmm m yo'."

"I hate you so much." Sephiroth said dangerously.

"Mm mmm mmm mm m. Yo'."

Aeris looked up, "OhMyGod. How do we know that THIS house isn't a Hell House????????"

Everyone began to panic and went outside. They started attacking the house until Tetsuya drove by in a Golf Cart.

"Wow. You guys are really idiots aren't you?" He said. "That ISN'T a Hell House!"

"That's what you think!" Genesis screamed as he hit it with his Rapier.

"Idiots" Tetsuya mumbled as he drove away

* * *

So?? Whaddya think!? I'm sorry it took so long to post! It takes awhile to come up with the ideas for things such as this!!!! Suggestions are taken graciously!

Up next? Hmm. I'm not sure. We'll just hafta see!!!!

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! Please????


	3. Talking Scene Bloopers!

Yay!!!! Reviews make me happy!!! Thank you for reading!

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RaNdOm BlOoPeRs --- Events... part ONE!!!

~-~In The Now Destroyed House~-~

Reno sat down on the couch, which was now partially on fire. "Damn yo', I never seen a man laugh so hard while he watched people beat up a house."

"How often do YOU see people beating up houses Reno?" Cissnei said, walking in the front door. She ducked a bit, "This thing isn't going to fall on my now is it? You idiots did a real good job beating the shit out of it."

Tifa glared at her. "Jeez, rude much?"

Reno looked at her, as if judging her sanity. "Uhm, Tifa, that's CISSNEI. Rude is the bald one, sitting over there." He said, pointig over at Rude, who waved tenatively.

Cissnei just snorted and sat down on the couch.

"What are you doing here anyway Cissy" Zack said.

"Hey yo'. I'm the only one who gets to call her Cissy!!" Reno yelled.

Cissnei ignored him. "Tetsuya told me to come over and watch some bloopers with you all. And apparantly make sure you don't start destroying house. Seriously Zacky. What the hell?"

"Hey!!! I am the only one who gets to call him Zacky!!" Aeris said, annoyed.

Just like Reno, Aeris got ignored.

"Oh, there was a mass paranoia that this house was a Hell House from the game..." He sighed and Cissnei facepalmed.

"Hey! There are more bloopers to come!" Cloud said.

"Start it then yo'" Reno said angrily, sitting on the couch. He pulled Cissnei over to him. "You should sit next to me yo'."

"Why?" she said.

"Cause I'd be sad if you didn't yo'. And look. Sephiroth stabbed me! I need lovin's yo'."

"What about Cynley?" Tifa said.

"Who?" Reno said, puzzled.

"That chick you said you were dating last night?"

"Oh, uhm, she and I aren't official... and plus she isn't here..."

Cissnei just looked at him. "Reno, you're such a manwhore."

"But I could be YOUR manwhore!"

"Who said I wanted my own personal manwhore? Although, you could make me some decent money...."

"Before Cissy decides to sell Reno's body for profit, can we start the next set?" Cloud said.

"You know Cloud, there is a male population that would just LOVE the opportunity to take on your tough but sensitive personality and - - -"

"PRESS PLAY RIGHT NOW ZACK!!!" Cloud yelled.

Zack pressed play and Para came on the screen.

"These bloopers are from the long played out sequences with lotsa talking. Enjoy"

-~-Bloopers-~-

Cloud, Aeris and Tifa stood in front of Hojo, trying to talk to him.

Cloud: I want to talk to that man!

Girl: Hojo! There are some scary men here that wanna talk to you!

Aeris: DO I LOOK LIKE A MAN!?!?!?! *rips off clothes* I AM A FEMALE GODDAMMIT!!!!!

Cloud and Tetsuya: *starestarestare*

Tifa: Uh? CUT???

Tetsuya: Oh, right, cut. Print. Send that still frame to my trailer.

~-~In the house~-~

"I AM GOING TO KILL TETSUYA!!" Zack shouted, jumping up from the couch. A giggle came from the couch. Zack looked over to see Cissnei and Reno making out.

"Er, guys?" he said.

They broke apart. "Oh sorry!!" Cissnei said, rather breathless.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Making out?" Reno said.

"We aren't stupid-" Cissnei snorted, "Ok, not ALL of us are stupid."

"What's making out?" Tifa said. "It looked like they're were kissing!"

Zack face palmed.

Cissnei shrugged. "What? A girl gotta get some action SOME time."

"What do you mean?" Zack said.

"Well, I haven't had sex in -"

"I DON'T WANNA KNOW!" Zack yelled.

"Well, you asked." She said, glaring. "There is NO need to shout."

Cloud looked between the two of them. "Uhm, can we... uh... watch bloopers now?"

"Sure Cloud. Anything to get me out of this horrid conversation."

"ITS LIKE A BATCAVE!!!!"

"RENO DISTRACT HER MOUTH!!!!!!"

-~-Bloopers-~-

Cloud and Aeris were in the the Wall Market, getting ready to go into Don Corneo's mansion. They stood in the bar trying to talk the dress shop owner to making them a dress.

Aeris: You know, he's always wanted to be pretty...

Dress Shop Owner: Really? A tough guy like that?

Cloud: TOUGH GUYS ARE SENSITIVE TOO YA KNOW!!!!!

DSO: Sorry, sorry, I'll make the dress

Cloud: You should... make it preeeetty! With like flowers! And lace! Oh, I loooove lace! And maybe some stockings! Oh yes! That would be wonderful!!

Aeris and DSO: *shock*

Tetsuya: Cloud... what... the fuck....

_Take 2_

Aeris: You know, he's always wanted to be pretty...

DSO: Really? A tough guy like that?

Aeris: He's has a lot of fantasies. He tried to get me to dress up like a giant lobster once...

DSO: What the fuck?

Aeris: Oh wait, that was Zack. My bad.

Tetsuya and Cloud: ...

~-~In the house~-~

Zack was bright red. "Aeris. Why did you say anything about that?"

"Dude! A red lobster yo'? What the fuck yo'?" Reno said, laughing.

"What??? I am attracted to RED things!!"

Red XIII edged far, far away from him.

"Yo' dude. That's fuckin' weird dude" Reno said.

"Maybe he's attracted to you!" Cissnei exclaimed.

"Ok, its time I admitted it! I am gay for Reno's hair!!!!"

Silence.

"ZACK I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!!!!!" Cloud cried.

"Cloud! You didn't!" Sephiroth said, tearing up.

"I'm sorry Sephy! I love him!"

"Cloud! What about us?" Tifa shouted.

"What about us? When it comes to women, Aeris is the one for me. Hey Zacky! Wanna have a threesome! Me, you and Aeris!"

Silence.

"Cissnei, I am in shock," Reno said.

"I can tell. You didn't say 'yo' once in that sentence. Or call me Cissy."

"Cissnei, can we go upstairs and make sure my penis hasn't receeded into my body at the thought of sex with Zack?"

"Sure Reno." They disappeared.

"Uhm, I'm just going to watch the next blooper now. And try to forget this shit ever happed man." Barret said.

-~-Bloopers-~-

Barret stood in Dyne's area in Corel Prison. It was the big confrontation. Cloud and Cait Sith stood behind him.

Dyne: I have to take Marlene back to her mom. She wants to see her mom, right?

Barret: Tetsuya, I'm confused. Did his wife cheat on him with me? Cuz Marlene is my kid right? Or is there some niggatry going on here? I'm lost.

Tetsuya: She isn't your's she's Dyne's.

Barret: Man, thats some niggatry.

Tetsuya: Just say your lines so we can go home.

Barret: Sure, sure, whatever.

_Take 2_

Dyne: Marlene misses her mom, doesn't she?

Barret: You can't kill an innocent child! What the fuck is wrong with you!! You fuckin' crackah! *kick to the chest* I hope you die down there!

Dyne: AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh

Tetsuya: You were supposed to FIGHT HIM! And now you've killed the actor. Great. Just great. Can we get another Dyne in here? This is the third one this week Barret! You can't keep killing my actors!

~-~In the house~-~

Upstairs, all that was heard was freakishly loud moaning.

"Dude, they might as well have stayed down here and done it." Genesis said.

"I wouldn't want to watch that!" Cloud said.

"I would!" Zack exclaimed "Two redheads goin' at it! And I bet the curtians match the drapes! I wonder if I can sneak a peak!"

"Zack, you are so fuckin' wrong." Genesis said.

"Hey Genesis. You're a redhead."

"Thanks for noticing."

"And you're gay..."

"I AM NOT GAY!"

"Don't deny it. Angeal was you're daddy, don't deny it!" Cloud said.

"I AM NOT GAY GODDAMMIT!"

"Anyway, you wanna go upstairs? I mentored off Angeal, I know his technique!"

"For the last time. I. Am. Not. Gay."

"That doesn't make ANY sense though! You were always obsessed with that Goddess!"

"My character might have been gay, but I AM NOT!"

"Now, now children. Behave." Aeris said.

"Aeris, go buy some red hairdye and dye your hair so he will leave me ALONE!"

"Nahh! I like me the natural redheads. Like you!!!"

"Nooo!!!! PLEASE GOD!!!! GET THE HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!!!"

There was a rustling from upstairs, and Cissnei and Reno appeared, Cissnei pulling a sheet up to cover her and Reno attemping to get his pants back on.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN HERE?!?!?!!!?" Cissnei said.

"Oh, look, more bloopers." Barret said before anyone else had the oppurtunity to answer her question.

-~-Bloopers-~-

(In Crisis Core)

Zack: You know, I've never seen you use that.

Angeal: Use brings about wear, tear and rust. And that's a real waste. I can be... pretty cheap.

Zack: Seriously? Thats not even cheap. Thats Jewlike. Are you a jew?? Seriously? Come on now.

Angeal: I think my sword is about to get used.

Zack: Oh no! Wouldn't wanna break out the jew wallet!

Angeal: *shanks Zack* Shut the fuck up Fair. I'm not a fuckin' JEW.

Zack: *dies*

Tetsuya: CUT!!! Zack, you are supposed to dye in scene 289d28.

Zack: *stands up* You just made that number up, didn't you?

Tetsuya: ...yea. You like the letter I added? I wanted it to throw you off.

Angeal: Now I have to PAY to get these fucking stains out! YOU ASSHOLE ZACK.

Zack: Yea, well you're a jew.

~-~In the house~-~

"Pleeeeaaaase have gay sex with me??" Zack cried at Genesis.

"For the last time Zack. NO." He said, trying to move away from him.

Zack just sat there and cried.

Cissnei looked towards the stairs. "I think I'm gonna... just get dressed and go..."

"No Cissy!! Don't leave yo'!!"

"You all are crazy, except you." she said,wakling up te stairs.

"Stay Cissnei. Stay... because I said so." Sephiroth said in his menacing voice.

"Uhm, no?"

"Cissnei. You will stay. You shut up the dumbass."

"Yo'! That's not cool yo'!"

Sephiroth casted Silence again.

"Mmmm mm mmmmm m m mm m m yo'"

"Yea, Reno, I understand completely."

"Mmm mm m yo' mm m"

"Yea, I will."

"Mm. Yo'."

* * *

I hopes you liked it!! I wasn't very sure which scene to mutilate!

Do you all think I should change the rating to 'M' cuza the language and such? Juuuuuust wondering ^^

_Tout à l_'_heure!_


End file.
